and the story goes on..

they don't believe me.but my parentss believe me.my dad says he trust me, and my stepmom told me i was doing okay.but my grandparents are a different story. *sigh* and that story sucks.
so okay.they tell everyone i did it.but i didn't.and my grandma thinks that me and him are becoming too close..that he might..influence me to do some bad stuff.but my mom(stepmom) said otherwise.she just told me to be careful.and to continue caring for him.because i might be the only one he would open up to.

i have to help him..because i don't want the oldies to do what they're planning to do.shit!they're so fucking crazy!can't they see what he needs?when i'm with him i give him a vacation from the world..i don't act like he's the bad one.we talk about other stuff.he's a good person..a good person who's really rebeling and running away soon. arrgh.

and.. in case you're curious.. it's not a love story.

what's a perfect life?

i slept the whole day.well..almost the whole day.i slept on maila's couch with five more people.it was very uncomfortable but still fun.after all,it is nice when you just sit around with friends.we were also playing around with this neon-orange thing-y.we spin around on it..hmm..i guess that's why i was so sleepy.lol nah. i know the real reason why i was sleepy..and no one else knows about it.well, one person knows about it.but i won't tell you who it is anyway so what's the point in writing about it?sorry..

i wish i had a perfect life..or not.i don't really know.will i be that much happier?there are some people whom i think have a perfect life.. there was even this girl back in elementary.i envied her.i thought she had everything.but she did not.when we became close friends, i found out a lot about her.i mean..okay.they're rich,her family's complete and she's blessed with beauty and brains..but i won't go deeper into that now.. after all.. it's her story.

and my life..this life..it's my own story too.i want it to be perfect, but i know it won't be.i just have to wait and see what the ending is.

luv reg

scandalous

yea.i was.i really was feeling better because nothing happened last night and i got a great amount of sleep..well..greater than the past few days.my eyes are still dropping.lol.

i like making scenes.i really do. scandalosa ako after all. one of my trademarks. and i dont usually care if others make a scene.. actually, i find it amusing.like my friend, sandra? she's the walk-out queen.. i don't blame her. when i walk out on someone, or a frustrating conversation, it's usually so they won't see me cry or hear me say something so out-of-bounds. that's just like me.. sometimes. i run from situations so i don't get hurt too much. but i know sometimes you have to face the situation.. and get hurt. that sounded weird. i know it did. anyway..

haaay.i just wish she didn't act like she thought she was better than everybody.the way she looks.. it makes you feel like a piece of dirt.. but i still like ticking her off. but not so ticked off that she'd.. well.. i can't write about it. but she made a scandal. and i hated it.. because! graaar. we can carry on without her. it won't be the same but who cares? it doesn't mean na pag wala xa, wala na.

luv reg

one day till the end

one more day until it ends..until school ends, i mean..one more day and then we're.. free?not entirely..we still have our speech choir presentation(yea, the controversial one), our career fair and our peter pan presentation(it should be fun).. then again, there's the year-ender.. it was originally supposed to be this Friday, but the venue's available sa April 5 pa..and guess what.i won't be able to attend!graar. kasi naman, i thought it was this friday na, so i postponed my going back to manila..huling tawad na ung april 5 ako uuwi.shitness.

but who cares..right?i know she won't change the date and place just so i can attend.anyway,i know she doesn't like me a whole lot and it wouldn't hurt her if i won't be able to attend.anyway, aryan and i were talking about how we really love to tick her off. my classmate made a joke that if i won't attend, someone else won't attend, and if that someone won't attend, all the guys won't attend too. *guffaws* i hope that ticked her off and ruined her day, because it made mine. haha. her loss. lol but i really really would like to attend. i just wished she wasn't that biased.

oh, and here's the worst part, no one else believes she's biased.and bossy.and.. ******..

luv reg

i have to try

since i was a little kid, people tell me that my smile is my trademark.i always smile.every time we pass a paper around class people write that i'm always smiling.sometimes, when i smile, i'm really happy.sometimes, i'm not.i have to smile for them.for people who feel sad. i know for a fact that when someone's sad and someone smiles at them, they at least feel a little bit better. i not only smile for them to feel better.. i also smile to help convince myself that it's all gonna work out in the end. pero, bakit sa end pa?bakit hindi pwedeng ngayon na?

aryan's right.i do worry too much about other people's problems.i can't help it.and you know something else?

it's..

it's getting harder and harder to smile.

but i have to try.

for everyone.

giving up slowly

i'm going to take away all the hatred from me..i'm really really trying..i know life's not perfect..i know we learn things the hard way..and that we always go through tough times.i also know that all of us have flaws..coz nobody's perfect..we just have to accept people for who they are..it's hard, yeah, but we have to try.

and right now.. i'm trying.i'm really really trying.i'm trying to keep my mind clear from any bad thought about someone.especially if he or she is my friend.

i don't want to lose her as a friend.coz i really like her.we've gone through so much together and we have a lot of memories.no matter how much we seem to be irritated at each other at times, i know she's going to be there when i need her.she doesn't know how much she's hurt me..by taking some of my things.. but she's made me laugh more than she's hurt me.

luv reg

i never realized how much life sucked

today..dfintely sucked.i'm sure it wasn't only for me.i know lots of people were having a rough day.i can't believe she knew about what we did.

she knows what we did. but she doesn't know that he was part of it.
and now my life's on the line.

why?

why did she have to enter my life?why did she have to create this mess? and why did he have to run from her? why did he have to be afraid of commitment? and why was my life the choice for these two people to enter? i don't want her know. but oh well, so she knows. i can keep on hating her. i only see her once or twice in a month anyway. but i see him.. more often. especially now that he's done something drastic and pushed me into the mess. actually, i think he and i created this mess but i'm not sure. all i know is..it's her, it's him and it's me.

i was not myself today.a lot of people noticed it.after all.. who am I? just a happy face..with a smile ready to share. and slowly, i'm hating more and more people.

in neverland..

in Neverland, children never grow up.they don't have to worry about things..things that we're worrying about now.oldies keep on saying that i'm starting to grow up.maybe i am.my batchmates and i are on the brink of growing up.and now..during the peter pan practices, i realized..i don't wanna grow up!

it's a lot more fun to run around like little kids.it's fun to think of nothing except the great time you're having with your friends. when you have nothing to worry about..things like homework, or grades, or parents, or grandparents in my case.. i like going back to childhood days..no worries..just playtime everyday.. but i know.. all children grow up.

except for one.

peter pan. :(

me alone

my sister went home to antipolo, leaving me behind.not that i'm making a big thing about it, but i really really wanted to go.and i didn't go because of the damn speech choir.hey..okay, i'm complaining.but i guess it won't do much, coz the speech choir is our quarterly exam in literature.i'd rather do it than take a written periodical. and everyone knows that ma'am gaffud's exams are tough. i spent the day at my cousins' house, which used to be our house.but that's a long story.anyway,we watched TV and just chatted.we like to do that.and my older cousin put some nailpolish on my feet.lol ^_^

about the speech choir.. i like the others' ideas better. and i really wanted to tell her that.but would she listen? of course she won't. what a shame. coz i really was starting to like her sincerely and then she had to go back to her betterthanthou act. i wish she'd just stop thinking like she's better than everyone. just because she doesn't curse or drink. i found out about that when alex brought a canned beer and i just took a little sip from it. well. i can't blame her. because drinking is a bad habit. but not drinking (or cursing) won't make her better than any of us.

luv reg

ever get the feeling that..

ever get the feeling that you're excluded? well..it's not awesome. i dont want to admit it but..well..i feel more and more excluded every day.people don't notice it, i'm sure.they know me as the one who always laughs and talks to people.but i feel excluded.

ever get the feeling that you're being replaced? it sucks like hell. especially if the person they're replacing you with is someone that..uhm..how should i say this..someone that you like created..someone you helped to replace you?nuh-uh.not right.

but those two feelings are what i'm feeling for the past days.

luv reg

promises and such

i can't keep promises, huh? i said this blog would be clean. i'm still thinking about it. maybe not. i can really write some lame stuff here.

i added him sa YM kanina.. him.. yup.. my.. past. if we talk about him, i doubt i can bury the past.coz i can't. i can't bury him, literally and figuratively. i sure cant. coz i can't forget about him. and there's a part in me that doesn't want to forget him. another part is saying that.. we might end up together still. as far-fetched as that might be. yet we might. and yet, it can be uhm..some other guy i could end up with. our teacher said to "collect and select". i don't believe in that. i also don't believe the saying that goes, "if you know someone by name, that person is your responsiblity." i mean, hello?? wtf.

ooh.first curse word in this blog. i doubt i can keep this blog clean. but it can be cleaner than my other two.


luv reg

dreams

have you watched the movie The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl 3D? well. you should. it's so awesome even though it's about elemetary days..and so much more..it's also about dreams. yep.dreams.

everything that is or was began with a dream. -lavagirl
don't smash others' dreams..because you'll smash your own and then you'll stop believing. -max

dream a better dream. then work to make it real. -max

i am so attracted to songs and movies and poems that have to do with dreams.i don't know why..i just get attracted to them..i find dreams and understanding dreams absolutely fascinating!=)

luv reg

let the dead past bury its dead

yup.that's a line from The Psalm Of Life, one of the poems we discussed in our Literature class today. okay.. first entry ever..and this entry is going to be all about WHY i created this new blog.my fifth i think..i have a lot of blogs but only two i really update.this is gonna be the third.

i created this blog because.. well.. because i decided to "let the dead past bury the its dead." sorta like that.. see.. something happened today.. something that made me write an entry in my main blog and create this blog.. i don't hate-hate those people now. only now and then i get irritated and annoyed at them. so i wrote some MAJOR clarifications in my blog.

anyway, here's the basic laydown on my blogs: (you can click on them..lol)

*http://www.sugarriot.blogdrive.com - my main blog..and obviously my first. i have the most friends here and i write almost anything. but still, there are some things that i can't spread..so basically i can't write it in this blog.coz many people read it, they can be affected. trust me, it's happened already, and not just once. and no, not just twice either. i prefer to be quiet about it though. =)

*http://www.daughterofrageandlove.blogspot.com - my angry blog.haha..i write stuff here that i can't write in my main blog..i know people read this, but i think they know enough to keep quiet about the stuff here.

*http://www.silverpixietears.blogspot.com - this one..i guess this blog won't hold too much hatred and anger.i'll try to keep this clean..IF I CAN..maybe post my designs here..if you like..

luv reg