i never said it wasn't my fault

so it's my fault.

i'm sorry.i hope you know that.i DON't want this to end.and i'm gonna do everything to fix this shit.i didn't say it was YOUR fault. i just wish you'd talk to me, tell me your side, i'll tell you mine.

i didn't say i was the victim. kung yun ang pagkakaintindi niyo, that's wrong. i'm not expecting you to apologize. WHY SHOULD YOU? you didn't do anything. it was all me, right? you were the ones who got mad at me, who talked about me, so malamng ako nga ang may kasalanan.

i was never angry at you...i never hated you. even when i tried to. i just couldn't. you told me many times that you hate me. sometimes, i answer back with "i know. i hate you too." just to even things up. but i don't know. i could never hate you. at lalo akong naffrustrate dahil dun. because even though i know you hate me sometimes, i can't hate you back!

seriously. you shouldn't apologize. I'M SORRY. you're all so important to me. ang dami na nating napagsamahan.. is this the worst?

hindi na ba pwede ayusin?

uhm.

okay.

fuck.ang ayoko sa lahat pinaplastik ako.DIRETSUHIN NIYO NA KO. hehe.. why don't we go back to the way things were last year? wh don't we return to the saga of sitting on the stairsof Vega, cryin' our hearts out habang naglalabasan ng sama ng loob.

what changed? okay. fine. i changed. but you also changed. all of you. all of US. i don't know what i think.

but i don't like what's happening now.you know what i did? i just got home. 10pm.more or less. why? i went to ground zero and i drank beer. for you. for you, and also you. and you too. i drank because i'm not happy. and then our batchmates? naabutan nila akong nakalupaypay sa area51.

nahirapan daw sila gisingin ako.

no regrets. for a while, nakalimut ako. for a while, i forgot about my problems that i couldn't share..even to you and you and you. why? because you wouldn't talk to me. i mean, okay, there's that usual "hi" but other than that? i feel neglected. fuck.

ikaw, di ko na alam. sinusungitan mo na ko. ewan ko kung bakit. di ka ganyan dati, and you're one of my closest friends. i never thought magiging ganito tayo.ewan. siguro, ako na rin yung mali. nag-assume ako. nag-assume ako na pag may problem tayo, prankahan agad. ewan. i changed, you changed. may nadagdag, tapos may nabawas. tapos ganito na.

ikaw naman. minsan magkaaway, minsan hindi. nu ba yiung tawag satin? frenemies? hehe. laging nagkakaroon ng labuan, ng away, pero sa dulo, tayo ang may alam ng deepest darkest secrets ng bawat isa. eto, alam mo sa time na ito, isa ka sa mga pinaka-naapreciate ko. ewan ko kung pinaplastik mo ko.. ewan ko lang. feel ko naman hinde. tama ba ko? mali ba ko? sabihin mo naman.. para hindi ako nagmumukhang tanga.. ang sakin lang, eto. away-bati tayo. pero ewan. some things change, some things never change. pero ang alam ko, isa ka sa mga pinaka-kaclose ko, at ayokong mawala ka.

okay. you next.. damn, i appreciate you so much. kahit kelan, hindi ka approve sa mga bisyo ko pero friends parin tayo. pinrove mo yung isa kong motto na "hindi ibig sabihin na kaibigan mo ang isang tao, dapat approve ka na sa lahat ng ginagawa niya." ngayon, sa times na ito, naaapreciate din kita ng sobra. isa siguro sa mga reasons ay kasi, hindi ka nakukulong sa iisang opinyon. you're willing to look both ways. tinitingnan mo yung both sides nung argument bago mag-judge and i love you for that. at alam kong pranka ka. somehow, lagi ko iniisip na parati kang andyan. na hindi mo ko iiwan. sana tama ako..

o, ikaw naman.hehe. last year? uhm, mejo nagalit ka sakin. di ko alam kung bakit, ayoko na alamin, at di ko na balak alamin. basta ang alam ko frends tayo na parating nagkakaasaran. nag-agree tayo dun dati: na natural lang na magkaasaran ang magkakaibigan. pero i've always known you to be pranka. ewan. baka nga paranoid lang ako nowadays? but i know something's up.

you next?hehe.siguro, pinakareligious ka sa mga friends ko.at pinakasweet.sure, minsan nakakainis pag masyado kang parang bata, but you know, it's part of your charm. hehe. one thing i like so much about you. alam mo yung bonus dati sa isang exam? yung tanung na "where would you ather be at this very moment?" ang sagot mo ay "Neverland". wow.hehe.. :) isa ka rin sa mga pinakaunderstanding people.inaamin ko nainis ako sayo minsan. alam mo n yun diba? kahapon ba yun nung may shinare ako sayo na clue tungkol sa problem ko at sabi mo "hayaan mo na sila." ewan. super naapreciate kita dun. suri kung di mo gets kkung bakit. hehe. basta yun.

i'm not angry at anyone but myself.haha.pagtawanan nyo na kung gusto nyo..ewn. ang gulo tol.di ko na alam.

you know me. all of you. i was never good at making decisions. i was never good at choosing. i always wind up in trouble, in tears, or with a beer. FUCK.

girls, i love you so much.. i hope you know that.. i dont wanna lose you. or them.
they're also my friends.

hey... love you people.

and the story goes on..

they don't believe me.but my parentss believe me.my dad says he trust me, and my stepmom told me i was doing okay.but my grandparents are a different story. *sigh* and that story sucks.
so okay.they tell everyone i did it.but i didn't.and my grandma thinks that me and him are becoming too close..that he might..influence me to do some bad stuff.but my mom(stepmom) said otherwise.she just told me to be careful.and to continue caring for him.because i might be the only one he would open up to.

i have to help him..because i don't want the oldies to do what they're planning to do.shit!they're so fucking crazy!can't they see what he needs?when i'm with him i give him a vacation from the world..i don't act like he's the bad one.we talk about other stuff.he's a good person..a good person who's really rebeling and running away soon. arrgh.

and.. in case you're curious.. it's not a love story.