My Sister's Keeper

This made me cry. A LOT.
WATCH IT.

two homes

as all of you probably know.. i live here in eLBi [Los Baños] in my grandparents' house. my parents and siblings live in manila. it's a tough situation. really.

i miss living with them. i miss seeing them everyday, talking to them, biking around, hanging out with them. sure i love eLBi. i really really really love elbi. i mean, my friends are here, the place is wonderful, the campus is really cool. but my parents and siblings aren't here.

i guess sometimes, advantage din yung di ko sila kasama dito. that way, i get to miss them. pag nagkita kami,wow!reunion!ahaha.we can spend more time telling stories to each othr, catching up. ewan ko lang kung anu magiging relationship namin kung dun ako nakatira during high school.cguro it's part of what made us close.

but.. yun.dito ako sa yUPieLBi magkacollege. the sad part is that once again, i don't get to live with them. i don't get to see papa,mumsy,chiara,jay and bea everyday. but i get to miss them still.aaaargghh. it's tough.really. sometimes i feel as if kelangan kong pumili kung saan ba talaga.

saan nga ba?syempre gusto ko kasama ko sila.pero syempre,gusto ko din kasama ko mga katropa ko.kakaiba yung feeling eh..

1. kasama mo parents mo, pero wala kang kilalang ibang tao sa lugar.
2. at home na at home ka sa place, you know everybody, but di mo kasama pamilya mo.

oh, and my birthday's coming up!haha.NO.i'm not excited.because i don't know what i'm going to do. i want to spend time with my friends AND my family. bwiset. ahaha. guys! help me think of something! siguro i can spend the whole day with my friends tapos dinner naman with family? and after dinner siguro balik na ng manila? what do you think?

haaaay. at syempre, ang pressure ng grandparents. blahblahblah. you know the drama. i've written about it tons of times before. tough situation.

and i've been dealing with it for four years. and i'll be dealing with it still for four more years.
gudluck na lang sakin.

sem break

sem break.the almost one month sem break.

sem break in rural is different.it's just called sem break..but we don't actually have a real break.it's always practice for intrams.. and now, physics project.ugh.

anyway, here's what got me to blog again: i might be able to spend the whole of sem break here!yay!that's an awesome opportunity to bond with my batchmates since we are..about to graduate.waah. the past sem breaks, i spent about 2 weeks in manila, since i do have to spend time with my family. :)

anyway, chiara is coming over this saturday..oh no.not that i hate her..i don't. well, not really.in fact, we're sort of learning to get along.. i mean, sometimes we're okay, most of the time we're at each other's throats. maybe because we're so alike. well, that's what people say.

they say that we're both outspoken, very stubborn and very naughty. they say that you hate someone of you're like that someone. really? maybe.. maybe not. i don't really know.

mumsy said to "enjoy the opportunity to bond as sisters". excuuuuse me. what opportunity?it's not like i'm always home. i'm rarely home. i leave in the morning, i come back at night. why? i just don't wanna be here anymore. i hate this house. i hate most of the people living here. and i can't get over the fact that lola said "uuwi na si chiara sa sabado."

NO.no freaking way. uuwi? yeah right. our home.. is in manila. ayt?

not here. not in this big ol' house with granparents who stink and people who take advantage of you.

i'd rather be anywhere than here.

he almost killed himself

what was supposed to be a happy family day turned out to be a real SUCKER.i wanted to make my dad happy.i really did.which is why i woke up early to prepare my stuff.yes,i was preparing to go back to Laguna.my dad was a speaker in alabang.afterwards,he was gonna drop me off at my grandparents' house.

STRIKE1. fathers day and he is leaving me in Laguna.my dad has always been a family man.he wants the whole family together.and right now, because i study in UPRHS, i only spend weekends and vacations there.that's why i need to get in UPDiliman.it's so near to our house.and my dad will be happy.

my dad borrowed tita's car so the whole family will fit.well.lo and behold..what do you know?FLAT TIRE.sa may riverbanks.puteeeeeeek.so we had to call my tita to bring the Getz.me,my dad and chiara went to alabang and they dropped me off here.

STRIKE2. the other family members went home. and to think that my dad was looking forward to this day. not just because it's fathers day. eeh. he said it himself: "fathers day is just a commercial event.it shouldn't be just one day that dads are loved and honored." still.the guilt of not making him happy today.

i really love my dad.he's sobrang one of a kind.he started growing his hair last month.he said he won't cut it until Gloria resigns.^__^ he wears sandals, angklets, bracelets. he wears ethnic stuff, batik shirts. he almost had an ear pierce before he married my deceased mother but lolo is super conservative. my dad let me have four ear piercings. he lets me wear jeans with damaged hems although he doen't approve of them.i really really appreciate him.to the max.
kahit na i know..this past few months, he's been working really hard.he's going to lose his job by june30 but we're convinced everything will be okay.i still love him for who he is, and i am really grateful that he didn't quit on us.

when mama died, he locked himself in the room for two weeks.he almost comitted suicide but he didn't.that's the thing i'm most grateful for.that he didn't leave us here to rot with our evil grandparents.harhar.

"the girl with the broken smile.."

"look for the girl with the broken smile,
ask her if she wants to stay a while.."

yes.i'd bet the world that you know this song.it's pretty old actually but it's been my theme song for the past few days just because of that line.my grandmother has a guideposts subscription as well as one to readers digest.anyway, Guideposts has an annual essay writing contest for teens about the trials they've experienced.lola said i should join because the prize is a full college scholarship.so i read the essays of the past winners.and i changed my mind about joining.

they lived tough lives.but their lives are now..patched up again.i mean, yeah, my life is patched up again.i mean, it's awesome that my stepmom is fabulous. that's a real blessing but the worst outcome of my mother's death was my grandparents' behavior. most of the past winners had divorced or deceased parents but no nagging grandparents. and lola told me that after i write my essay, i should show it to her before we send it. oh boy. show her an essay that contains some really bad stuff about her?not cool.so i guess i can't join.

first of all, because i don't want her to read it.second of all,it would have been better if i joined the essay without writing about granma troubles.but it said to write about troubles.and that's one of my major problems that unfortunately..still isn't over.*sigh*

and i was planning on writing about smiling despite problems, because people say that smiling is something i got from my real mom..and when i write that essay, and lola reads it, she'll think i'm living a happy life.you know i can lie.but i don't want to write an essay full of lies just so she will think i love her a lot.so i'm NOT joining.but i will write an essay.no one will ever get to read it.that's all.

and again..

"look for the girl with the broken smile,
ask her if she wants to stay a while.."

luv reg

pluggers: ARYAN,SANDRA,MICO,OSHEAN,CARS,KEVIN,ATE JO,SHE
miss ko na ang mga ito:johanna,pen,chong karlu,kimi

you won't like me when i'm mad

no.i'm not mad as of this moment.in fact i'm giddy and hyper.i'm super hyper today.the long UNO game is only part of the reason why.also the fact that there's electricity is only part of it.these times come you know--when i'm so giddy. and of course, the times when i'm so mad come next.and oh boy, you won't like me when i'm mad.

my stepmom said that she'll always remember that about me--that i get mad and i do weird stuff when i get mad.one time, during grade 5, i was so pissed off at my sister.i can't remember why but i remember that the nearest room was the bathroom.i rushed into the bathroom and screamed, and pulled the shower curtain off. omg. was i shocked. was my sister scared. were my parents amused. and mad because i ruined a perfectly new shower curtain.

another time, my grandmother was giving me and my sister a lecture. but i knew it was chiara's fault. so what i did was run towards her. she was sitting in front of the computer. i pushed her. i didn't know the chair was under repair. so the seat tilted and she fell off. i was shocked at what i did. anyway, i said i was sorry. and i still couldn't believe i did that.

i throw stuff around and scream a lot when i'm angry.but after that i cool down pretty fast and i pretend the thing never happened.as of now, whenever i remember the shower curtain incident, i get amused. weird, huh?

***

i just read MICO's blogpost which was about our phone conversation last saturday. read it.it's very entertaining.and yes.it proves that girls ARE weird when they get together.

also,read ARYAN's blog to find out what we did today. and yes, i trust her. i really do. but she's right.some secrets weren't meant to be known by anyone.ever.

read SANDRA's blog too.there's a really cute poem there.she showed it to me today in her notebook during our chem exam.ahehe.

luv reg

crying and laughing

well.year ender's over!it was really fun and even though i couldn't swim because i had my period (which sucked) i still enjoyed.in fact, i was one of the few who didn't sleep at all.we stayed up and chatted about any topic tht popped in our heads.

yes, i enjoyed.i came to the party to forget about everything.still, about one in the morning, i received a text message.and i cried.and cried.as much as i did when i ran away.and i thought i had no more tears left.god, i couldn't stop myself!i am so pathetic. and the weird thing was, i cried after i drank beer.i thought beer was supposed to help you forget problems, not make you cry like a water faucet.and to think i was one of those who drank the most.someone even had to stop me from opening another one.

but basically i enjoyed.really.no regrets.i also won Molave Hot Babe of the Year.lol.and the colored games was also cute. and what we chatted about the whole night up to morning was really.. unique.lol

i might not be able to update until may.i'm going back to manila tomorrow.i also want to.i need to escape, to get out of this house and my grandparents.i'm returning here on may 2, most probably..but please continue visiting and leaving your tags!

oh.and my birthday's on may 1 already..oh no.i'm gonna be 15.and on june,i'll be a 4th year student.

running from everything

i ran away.well..i tried.i went to aryan's house and BURST!i--i'm not sure..i cried and cried and cursed and cried some more.i just needed to be somewhere else and not my grandrents' house.oh get this.after i ran away, he ran away.and he axidentally left his cellphone here.so.. no means of contacting him.. you know what?

anyway, yeah, i'm back at home.and gee, the atmosphere is boiling hot.and my lolo's sister locked her keys inside her room.it would have been funny but i won't dare laugh.they're pretty steamed at me.and him.and they're still suspecting me of helping him out.thing is, i don't really care anymore.i just want to get the hell out of this fucking house!damn.

they think they're so awesome and right about eveyrthing.they don't want to admit that they were wrong.oh, yeah.. if only they knew how they've got it all wrong.how they got me wrong..oh boy..this is gonna be some show.

somebody film it, quick!

and the story goes on..

they don't believe me.but my parentss believe me.my dad says he trust me, and my stepmom told me i was doing okay.but my grandparents are a different story. *sigh* and that story sucks.
so okay.they tell everyone i did it.but i didn't.and my grandma thinks that me and him are becoming too close..that he might..influence me to do some bad stuff.but my mom(stepmom) said otherwise.she just told me to be careful.and to continue caring for him.because i might be the only one he would open up to.

i have to help him..because i don't want the oldies to do what they're planning to do.shit!they're so fucking crazy!can't they see what he needs?when i'm with him i give him a vacation from the world..i don't act like he's the bad one.we talk about other stuff.he's a good person..a good person who's really rebeling and running away soon. arrgh.

and.. in case you're curious.. it's not a love story.

me alone

my sister went home to antipolo, leaving me behind.not that i'm making a big thing about it, but i really really wanted to go.and i didn't go because of the damn speech choir.hey..okay, i'm complaining.but i guess it won't do much, coz the speech choir is our quarterly exam in literature.i'd rather do it than take a written periodical. and everyone knows that ma'am gaffud's exams are tough. i spent the day at my cousins' house, which used to be our house.but that's a long story.anyway,we watched TV and just chatted.we like to do that.and my older cousin put some nailpolish on my feet.lol ^_^

about the speech choir.. i like the others' ideas better. and i really wanted to tell her that.but would she listen? of course she won't. what a shame. coz i really was starting to like her sincerely and then she had to go back to her betterthanthou act. i wish she'd just stop thinking like she's better than everyone. just because she doesn't curse or drink. i found out about that when alex brought a canned beer and i just took a little sip from it. well. i can't blame her. because drinking is a bad habit. but not drinking (or cursing) won't make her better than any of us.

luv reg