a toast

A toast to 2009: a year of many memories, of many losses and gains, of friendships and loves, a year of learning. So here's to you 2009..

Here's to haircuts and how great they make one feel.
to celebrating the first year anniversary with your boyfriend who you will later break up with.
to playing computer games with fellow amigas.
to wearing tsinelas almost all year round.
to being politically aware.
to joining protests and rallies.
to standing up and fighting for what you believe in.
to losing Area51 and transferring to Impound and realizing the true meaning of tropa.
to responsibilities.
to new found talents.
to expectations and to how one should never expect.
to break-ups and friendships still kept.
to barkada reunions.
to barkada sleepovers.
to barkada gimmicks.
to barkadas.
to MS, a group of girls who after all these years and petty fights are still always there.
(Ihsa, Irish, Kae, Aryan, Sandra, Nyka)
to the DotA Amigas, a group of unique girls who are always there for you no matter what you do, no matter who you fall for and no matter how evil your plans are.
(Aryan, Jizza, Kate, Yim)
to BESTFRIENDS.
to thinking you know who to trust.
to being betrayed.
to thinking you were in love again.
to taking summer classes.
to making new friends and enemies during the summer.
to making big decisions.
to weighing your priorities.
to joining a sorority.
to sorority girls.
to my sorority sisters and fraternity brothers: UP Theta Epsilon Sorority and Kappa Epsilon Fraternity: Thank you for a wonderful year and thank you for all the lessons.
to starting the new school year with a lot of load at once.
to parties.
to drinking.
to vices and the bonding that goes with them.
to workshops.
to secrets.
to celebrating the first anniversary of SIGNALS '08.
(Lulu, Hazelle, Kate, Lybie, Bea, Dave, Benj, Sosep, JM, Vince)
to Signals '08 and the entire UPLB DevComSoc.
to batch unity.
to walking up Forestry during midnight.
to crying over movies.
to tears and to laughter that can come at the same time but often not.
to boredom.
to travelling.
to being haggard and being pressured and still coming out alive.
to surviving.
to tanlines on arms and feet.
to failures and getting back up again.
to FALLING IN LOVE again.
to having a new boyfriend that takes care of you the best.
(Henry Mark Binahon. MISS NA KITA.)
to living away from my parents and grandparents.
to part time jobs.
to debates and to tests and to self-confidence.
to high school reunions and to reminiscing.
to sleepless nights because of too much work.
to sleepless nights just because you want to stay awake.
to learning that friendship doesn't have to be so close-distance.
to learning that you can do it if you just put your mind to it.
to having more belief in oneself and to being a person you can respect.
to respect.
to self-fulfillment and to accomplishments.
to death and how it brings people together.
to losses.
to gains.
to winning.
to losing.
to acceptance.
to friendship.
to sisterhood.
to LOVE.
to CHANGE.

to ending the year on a happy note.
to 2009.
HERE'S TO YOU.

Power. Responsibility.
(Toy Kingdom, Mall of Asia, December 2009)

My Sister's Keeper

This made me cry. A LOT.
WATCH IT.

my history with clothes

clothes=memories

1. the shirt i wore when i first had my braces was also the same shirt i wore when my braces were taken off. yep!i had my braces for 1 year and 5 months. the shirt i wore was the faded red old navy one.

2. my black chuck taylors.my first pair. as in super worn out. super dirty with holes pa.hehe.i wear those whenever i'm not so sure about my exams that day. why? i stupidly think those shoes are lucky mainly because they've been with me during my most memorable experiences. i wore those sneakers when MS was first created, and when i got drunk and MS almost broke up. i wore those chucks during a concert two years ago. i wore those sneakers to dances, to celebrations, to grad practices, crying sessions, laughing sessions. weird right? but i think those memories are already embedded into those sneakers, thus, giving me luck. :)

3. my light blue super faded jeans with the hole sa knee. look closely, may yellow paint sa upper thigh. those were the jeans i wore the last time i drank alcohol. why the yellow paint? bumangga pa ko sa newly painted poste sa may Minute Burger.

4. yung FLAMMABLE shirt. i wore that during our batch recollection before we graduated kasi. and wala lang. yung shirt kasi is anti-drinking and anti-smoking. i remember that i ordered it because i just wanted a new shirt. but a friend told me, "wag mo susuotin yan pag nainom ka." so i had the shirt for quite a while but i never wore it. hindi pa ako worthy. kahit na i decided to stop drinking, i still didn't wear it. the recollection day was the first time i felt i had earned the right to wear that shirt. :)
**isa pa, may super memorable experience na nangyari saken while i was wearing that shirt. clue? basta. :)

5. yung black polo shirt ng FAST. mainly because, ang FAST ay all-boys club and yet, may shirt kami ni katE. plus, mejo kakaiba ang mga nangyayari sa akin tuwing suot ko ang hamak na shirt na yun. 3x na.. basta. yun. :) ito din pala yung shirt na suot ko nung nag-register ako sa UPLB last may10 at nakaranas ng medical check-up.. well, syempre hindi ko to suot habang nagmemedical check-up kasi uhm.. alam nyo na yun!lols. :D ito din yung shirt ko nung first time akong ma-involve sa isang DotA-tournament.not as a player, but as taga-hawak lang ng registration fee!waha.at least. :))

6. my red Artwork shirt na nakasulat sa harap "YOU ARE MY PORKCHOP, MY ONLY PORKCHOP." first time i saw this shirt, i fell in love with it but i didn't have the money. so nung nagkapera ako, yan ang una kong binili. and ito din yung first shirt i wore 2007. yep. december 31-january 1 ko yan suot!walang tulugan!last shirt for 2006, first for 2007.


haaay.onti pa lang yan.hehe.whenever i plan what i'm going to wear, i always end up reminiscing. i also vividly remember one time, basta one major event yun. i set aside my black chucks and put on my orange chucks--new at that time.

sabi ko "it's your turn to make some memories."

**recollection 2007. the flammable shirt, the stolen shot, the big laugh and the long hair a few months back. **

weird nanaman.

it's weird, isn't it?it's weird that you can feel so happy, so content, so alive for a few hours. you think that your whole day's gonna be great just because of THAT.you think nothing can go wrong.and everyone notices that you're happy, that there's something different about the way you smile today.

..and then, suddenly.you frown,you feel as if everything good suddenly turned around and came running towards you, knocked you over and surrounded you, suffocating you.BWISET.

but that's life, diba? you can't be forever happy. there'll always be something that's gonna make you feel bad.pero xempre, there are a lot of things that will be the reasons for you to smile.balanced daw yan palagi.magiging happy ka, tapos magiging sad.eew.haha.

pero ewan.most of the time, really.i feel as if my life is anything BUT balanced.because when i'm hyper, and really really happy, sobra talaga.parang kinaen ko na lahat ng kasiyahan sa mundo.bwahaha.parang akin lahat.ganun din pag bad3p na bad3p ako.ewan ko ba.

pag badtrip ako, badtrip ako sa lahat.mahirap makahanap ng something na magpapasaya ulit sakin.weird.

college life okay naman.masaya.nung unang weeks, wala maxadong complications.ang tanga ko naman nung naisip ko na forever na ganun. syempre hinde. tina-try yata i-balance eh.kahit na ganun nga.. kahit na para sakin, never yun magiging balanced. kakaiba. yun.anu pa ba.

at first i dreaded the block meetings.ngayon i actually look forward to them.i find it funny that there are only 3 guys in our block.i like the thought that the girls in blockE1 and i get along. we're all noisy,funny and outgoing.xempre, DevCom eh.wenks.and of course, i still find it funny (and i'm not the only one) that our blockhead is this conio guy who has a car and looks super tamad but he's actually very dedicated to being out blockhead.well, dapat lang noh.he volunteered, after all.

misconceptions

we learned the following this week:

1.women and men are both emotional, but women are just more expressive about their emotions. the funny thing is, the guys in our class answered that women are more emotional then men. but one of them admitted that the last time he cried was last sunday. still, don't you feel weird when you see a guy crying? haha. or maybe it's because guys and girls express their feelings differently.

2.children who have gay parents are not likely to become gay. hindi daw parents ang dahilan kung bakit nagiging gay ang isang tao. it's the environment daw.

3.people tend to pair off with people who match them in physical appearance. sad to say, but it's true. i guess it's correct that usually, appearances and nagiging basis ng mga tao. and based din dun sa appearance nila, tsaka na idedecide ng iba kung gusto pa nilang mas makilala yung taong yun.sad noh?

4.masturbation does not cause mental disorder. haha. mejo weird but our psychology teacher advises everyone to masturbate at least once every other day. :)) yebah, even girls!haha.my guy friends love to talk about this topic but i don't know a single girl who does it.haha.

5.IQ is not the only measurement of a person's intelligence. kasi daw, marami pang ibang ways para ma-measure ang galing ng isang tao. kunyari, may tao daw na plgeng nagfflunk sa school pero he's street-wise.

6.absence does not make the heart grow fonder. at first daw, cguro oo. pero time will come daw na you will forget. may limit daw eh.haaaay.and yun.i asked my friends about this and ARYAN said that "absence makes the heart forget".

ayos noh?haha.mga misconceptions nga naman.so far college life is fun.mas nagiging close ang batch namen nung high school.tuwing break time,punta na area51.haha.and that's where we feel at home. :)

WHO AM I

it's our first assignment in PSY1. (psychology 1) write an essay entitled "WHO AM I?"
anu yon, parang yung sa friendster-About Me.facts about yourself.but i don't want to write just another essay na puro ganun lang.i want it to be something more... ewan. basta something more.haha.

ayoko magsulat ng tungkol sa mga paborito kong bagay, o pagkaen, o music. kasi, for me? it's just the surface. it's not who i really am. so, who am i? and this led me to think that i don't even know myself that well. sucks.

i'm a very complicated person. i talk a lot, i laugh a lot and i kid around a lot.usually i will listen to whatever anyone has to say, and sometimes i will only listen to myself. i can say one thing and think otherwise.i can laugh the whole day and cry when i go home for reasons no one knows about. everything i do has a purpose. i feel uncomfortable when friends cry in front of me because i know i can say a multitude of things but that it won't stop them from crying. i also cry easily when i'm alone. i only cry when i'm with my closest friends. maybe that means i really do choose my best friends. i hang out with a lot of people but they only know the surface.

i get bored a lot.i get frustrated a lot.i will say i forgive you, but that doesn't mean i'll forget about it.i fall in love rarely, and when i do, it's for a loooong time. i find it hard making decisions because i know i'll always end up disappointing someone. sometimes i fight for what i want, sometimes i just sit back quietly. i talk when i'm nervous but i also talk when i'm comfortable. i like challenges, and i like winning them. i know wrong from right, but that doesn't stop me from doing the wrong things.

that's me.it's still not enough, i guess. but it's not just the surface. should i pass something like that? what do you think? help me! =)

worst feelings

ever felt..

..the feeling when you're in a jeepney and you can't sit comfortably. plus, you can't get your money.

..the feeling when you're at home but you're being ignored.

..the feeling when you know your work was great but it wasn't good enough for someone.so she just had to change it.

..the feeling when you know you're better than someone in a particular field but you can't replace that person because that person has the neccessary materials.

..the feeling when you wake up in the morning and look in front of the mirror and you realize that you have a huge pimple.

..the feeling when you lie down at about 12 am in bed but you know you won't be able to sleep until 2 am.

..the feeling when you know something is right, but you just don't want to do it.

..the feeling when everything is crashing--your life, and your computer, as well as your cellphone.

..the feeling when you know how to end the problem but you don't know how to start the solution? (yes, i'm talking about trigonometry.)

..the feeling when you've realized that you married your mother and killed your father. (Oedipus Rex, for Literature Class)

..the feeling when you want something so badly, and you can have it so easily, but a small something hinders you from getting it.

..the feeling when you think you've turned into a bad person and you should turn back into a good one. yet you don't want to.

..the feeling when you realize you can't talk decently to someone anymore. just because that someone doesn't think at all.

..the feeling when you know people think you don't take things seriously. but you do. and that's what hurts most.

double drill day

"be tough." that's what i kept on saying to myself this day since we had a double drill day sa CAT. "no matter what, don't fall out.show them you're tough."

"tough times never last but tough people do," a book states. CAT is only for a year but the need to be tough will last till i die. people say i'm strong..because i always smile,i always crack jokes and i act as if i don't give a damn to problems.but i do, and you know it. someone asked me how i can still appear happy outside. my answer? i don't really know. but i like making people happy. and that makes me happy too.

"..but i wonder if you also appear happy in your grandparents' house," someone told me. no i dont. i'm the complete opposite of who i am in school. because, as aryan said, at home, i don't need to appear strong. maybe she's right. there's no one in this house that i need to be strong for. so why try to appear strong?

at school, there're a million reasons why. i don't need other people to see me crying in some corner although that happened a few times already when i couldn't take it anymore.. i dont want them to know every single detail about my life.

cellphone quote: it's easier to smile than explain to people who will never understand."

but it's also sweet to explain to people who don't understand but they try and they want to. now those are friends!

ayokong magpapansin sa mga tao sa school.. okei na sakin na ang may alam lang ng life story ko ay ang mga taong malapit sakin. the others? they need not know.

after all.. would they care?

PLUGGER: FIFI

crying and laughing

well.year ender's over!it was really fun and even though i couldn't swim because i had my period (which sucked) i still enjoyed.in fact, i was one of the few who didn't sleep at all.we stayed up and chatted about any topic tht popped in our heads.

yes, i enjoyed.i came to the party to forget about everything.still, about one in the morning, i received a text message.and i cried.and cried.as much as i did when i ran away.and i thought i had no more tears left.god, i couldn't stop myself!i am so pathetic. and the weird thing was, i cried after i drank beer.i thought beer was supposed to help you forget problems, not make you cry like a water faucet.and to think i was one of those who drank the most.someone even had to stop me from opening another one.

but basically i enjoyed.really.no regrets.i also won Molave Hot Babe of the Year.lol.and the colored games was also cute. and what we chatted about the whole night up to morning was really.. unique.lol

i might not be able to update until may.i'm going back to manila tomorrow.i also want to.i need to escape, to get out of this house and my grandparents.i'm returning here on may 2, most probably..but please continue visiting and leaving your tags!

oh.and my birthday's on may 1 already..oh no.i'm gonna be 15.and on june,i'll be a 4th year student.

ever get the feeling that..

ever get the feeling that you're excluded? well..it's not awesome. i dont want to admit it but..well..i feel more and more excluded every day.people don't notice it, i'm sure.they know me as the one who always laughs and talks to people.but i feel excluded.

ever get the feeling that you're being replaced? it sucks like hell. especially if the person they're replacing you with is someone that..uhm..how should i say this..someone that you like created..someone you helped to replace you?nuh-uh.not right.

but those two feelings are what i'm feeling for the past days.

luv reg