a toast

A toast to 2009: a year of many memories, of many losses and gains, of friendships and loves, a year of learning. So here's to you 2009..

Here's to haircuts and how great they make one feel.
to celebrating the first year anniversary with your boyfriend who you will later break up with.
to playing computer games with fellow amigas.
to wearing tsinelas almost all year round.
to being politically aware.
to joining protests and rallies.
to standing up and fighting for what you believe in.
to losing Area51 and transferring to Impound and realizing the true meaning of tropa.
to responsibilities.
to new found talents.
to expectations and to how one should never expect.
to break-ups and friendships still kept.
to barkada reunions.
to barkada sleepovers.
to barkada gimmicks.
to barkadas.
to MS, a group of girls who after all these years and petty fights are still always there.
(Ihsa, Irish, Kae, Aryan, Sandra, Nyka)
to the DotA Amigas, a group of unique girls who are always there for you no matter what you do, no matter who you fall for and no matter how evil your plans are.
(Aryan, Jizza, Kate, Yim)
to BESTFRIENDS.
to thinking you know who to trust.
to being betrayed.
to thinking you were in love again.
to taking summer classes.
to making new friends and enemies during the summer.
to making big decisions.
to weighing your priorities.
to joining a sorority.
to sorority girls.
to my sorority sisters and fraternity brothers: UP Theta Epsilon Sorority and Kappa Epsilon Fraternity: Thank you for a wonderful year and thank you for all the lessons.
to starting the new school year with a lot of load at once.
to parties.
to drinking.
to vices and the bonding that goes with them.
to workshops.
to secrets.
to celebrating the first anniversary of SIGNALS '08.
(Lulu, Hazelle, Kate, Lybie, Bea, Dave, Benj, Sosep, JM, Vince)
to Signals '08 and the entire UPLB DevComSoc.
to batch unity.
to walking up Forestry during midnight.
to crying over movies.
to tears and to laughter that can come at the same time but often not.
to boredom.
to travelling.
to being haggard and being pressured and still coming out alive.
to surviving.
to tanlines on arms and feet.
to failures and getting back up again.
to FALLING IN LOVE again.
to having a new boyfriend that takes care of you the best.
(Henry Mark Binahon. MISS NA KITA.)
to living away from my parents and grandparents.
to part time jobs.
to debates and to tests and to self-confidence.
to high school reunions and to reminiscing.
to sleepless nights because of too much work.
to sleepless nights just because you want to stay awake.
to learning that friendship doesn't have to be so close-distance.
to learning that you can do it if you just put your mind to it.
to having more belief in oneself and to being a person you can respect.
to respect.
to self-fulfillment and to accomplishments.
to death and how it brings people together.
to losses.
to gains.
to winning.
to losing.
to acceptance.
to friendship.
to sisterhood.
to LOVE.
to CHANGE.

to ending the year on a happy note.
to 2009.
HERE'S TO YOU.

Power. Responsibility.
(Toy Kingdom, Mall of Asia, December 2009)

out of boredom

i miss blogging. i realized that just this Christmas vacation when I found myself online almost 24/7 doing nothing except Facebooking. Haha. I realized I missed blogging after 2 years. Wow. Then I thought "Why not create a new blog? Start from scratch? Since I've changed a lot, why not? New me, newer blog."

Guess what.
I chickened out.

I knew I can never update that new blog when school starts again on January. God, when I was an avid blogger with THREE blogs, was I really that bored? Did I really have nothing to do? That sucks. While now, I am probably one of the busiest girls on campus being part of the University Student Council, an academic organization and a sorority.

Maybe, just maybe, I miss blogging because deep down inside me, I am still a writer. When nothing left to do, I write. And I miss having blogs available for me to write in anytime. It's sad isn't it? Blogging used to be my life. And now, I just blog to cure my boredom.

And now. Gone is the emo template. And here now, is one of blogspot's basic templates. Why not go back to basics? :) I had the courage to delete my two blogs. I don't know why I can't delete this one. Probably just so I can always have something to hold on to.

wala akong masabi.

grabe, after how many months, ngayon na lang ulit ako nakapagblog. and i thought i had given up on blogging. i ran out of topics, i ran out of time, i ran out of willingness to blog. still, what matters most is that right now, for the meantime, i am reunited with my blog.

so for the past three weeks, i have been a different Regina Ongkiko. Gone (for the meantime) is the Regina who spends every break time at Area51. Gone is the Regina who goes home late because of simply NOT wanting to be home. Gone is the Regina who is pretty much relaxed about everything.

for the past three weeks, I have been an applicant of the UPLB Development Communicators' Society, the org of both my parents, my cousin and their close friends. Wait, I wasn't pushed into this. Sure, the idea of joining was introduced to me by my father but the mismong decision to join was made by me. when i made that decision, i knew i'd have to sacrifice a lot of things but i was willing to do anything to be a part of this organization.

ayun. mahirap. hehe. no kidding. kahit na sabi nila na hindi daw ako mukhang haggard, oo haggard ako. ngayon lang ako nakapagpuyat ng ganto. ngayon ko lang naramdaman tong presure na to. oo, obviously i've always lived with pressure. pressure because of who my parents are, pressure because they all know me. as in. define pressure! haha.

eto pa. i realized that i had been too attached to my high school batchmates that during my first year in college, i didn't take the time to get to know my college batchmates. ngayon, dahil sa application process na to, mas nakikilala ko sila at narealize ko how much i've missed the past year.

hmmm.anu pa ba.sabi nila lahat role playing lang daw lahat to. i try to keep that in mind, pero minsan, mahirap talaga. we are challenged physically, mentally and emotionally. batch unity is tested too. tinuturuan kaming mag-assert, at panindigan ang pinaniniwalaan namin. dito sa process, tinetest lang daw talaga kami. lahat sila dumaan sa ganito, mas malala pa nung panahon nila. unfair naman kung hindi namin to maxperience. ibig sabihin hindi kami deserving. at syempre, tinuro din sa amin na hindi lahat ng gusto mo ay makukuha mo ng ganoon kadali.

pero, weird enough, kahit na mahirap, nakakapagod at minsan talaga mararamdaman mo na gusto mo na itigil to, enjoy parin siya kahit papaano eh. batch meetings every night, kwentuhan tungkol sa experiences sa araw na yun, at kahit na pagod na pagod na lahat at may mga naiyak pa, laging may mahahanap na bagay na pwedeng pagtawanan. and if you're leaning towards the quitting side, may pumipigil sayo eh. BATCHMATES MO. because we all entered this together. at dapat lahat ng sinisimulan, tinatapos. at actually, kahit na 11 na lang kami, alam namin na kaming 11 yung 11 na talagang determined at talagang makikiramay hanggang dulo.

grabe 2 days na lang. namiss ko dati kong buhay, pero hindi ako nagrregret na nagaapply ako. ang dami kong natutunan. ang daming nagbago, and most of all, i found out that i really love my ten batchmates. walang iwanan, walang samaan ng loob. lahat kami, sama sama. :)

weird nanaman.

it's weird, isn't it?it's weird that you can feel so happy, so content, so alive for a few hours. you think that your whole day's gonna be great just because of THAT.you think nothing can go wrong.and everyone notices that you're happy, that there's something different about the way you smile today.

..and then, suddenly.you frown,you feel as if everything good suddenly turned around and came running towards you, knocked you over and surrounded you, suffocating you.BWISET.

but that's life, diba? you can't be forever happy. there'll always be something that's gonna make you feel bad.pero xempre, there are a lot of things that will be the reasons for you to smile.balanced daw yan palagi.magiging happy ka, tapos magiging sad.eew.haha.

pero ewan.most of the time, really.i feel as if my life is anything BUT balanced.because when i'm hyper, and really really happy, sobra talaga.parang kinaen ko na lahat ng kasiyahan sa mundo.bwahaha.parang akin lahat.ganun din pag bad3p na bad3p ako.ewan ko ba.

pag badtrip ako, badtrip ako sa lahat.mahirap makahanap ng something na magpapasaya ulit sakin.weird.

college life okay naman.masaya.nung unang weeks, wala maxadong complications.ang tanga ko naman nung naisip ko na forever na ganun. syempre hinde. tina-try yata i-balance eh.kahit na ganun nga.. kahit na para sakin, never yun magiging balanced. kakaiba. yun.anu pa ba.

at first i dreaded the block meetings.ngayon i actually look forward to them.i find it funny that there are only 3 guys in our block.i like the thought that the girls in blockE1 and i get along. we're all noisy,funny and outgoing.xempre, DevCom eh.wenks.and of course, i still find it funny (and i'm not the only one) that our blockhead is this conio guy who has a car and looks super tamad but he's actually very dedicated to being out blockhead.well, dapat lang noh.he volunteered, after all.

a mess

i actually cleaned my room yesterday.not because i wanted to, but because i had to, and they all made me do it.well, cleaning my room is really a hard task. you'll only understand what i mean when you see for yourself my room.ahaha. >:) too bad my room's all clean now.

i've been "rooming" there since 1st year high school.and no matter how many people tell me that the room is a rathole, it's okay for me since it's MY room.MY stuff.and i know where my things are.it may look disorganized to you but it's perfectly organized for me.

and yesterday, as i was cleaning it up i had to divide my stuff into groups.

*stuff to be taken to the dorm
*stuff to throw
*stuff to give away
*stuff to keep in my grandparents' house.

i had to be harsh to my things. i had to throw stuff that were useless, even though they held so many memories. i had to throw away pieces of paper that i used to draw on when i'm bored in school.sux.i had to give away stuff that were memorable, yet useless.

and it hit me.that room sort of symbolized my high school life.i filled it up at the start of 1st yr high school and now, before going to college, i'm leaving it and emptying it. that room held all the stuff i've been through during my high school life.books,notes,gifts,clothes,shoes.memories.haha and you know i'm a sucker for memories.

to most people my room is a mess.it's disorganized and stuff.
to some people,my high school life was a mess, full of stuff they didn't understand.

just like my room.

and just as i left high school, i'm now leaving that room.

***************************

btw.may dilaw pala na pakwan?!as in.yellow na watermelon. [okay in-english ko lng.haha.]
weird.

first of summer

summer na ba?di ko pa feel eh.xempre.haha.we still go to school, we practice for our graduation,and we still have to complete the university clearance.it's weird,isn't it?that we're high school students and yet we have to have our clearance slips signed by the university.aargh.pampahirap pa eh. :c

it's also..uh..frustrating, i guess.i mean,almost everyone i know has already graduated.kami na lang ang hindi pa!asar!april27 pa.not that i'm looking forward to it.. well.ewan ko lang.

xempre,masaya ako na mamarcha ako.i failed economics during the 3rd quarter and i could tell my dad was disappointed.aba,malamang.i was the girl who brought home awards during elementary.and then when she entered high school, the good girl was gone.but, i did my best.and yun,i was able to pass econ.

anu pa ba.ayun.during the time i was gone, andaming nangyari.as in.puro complications!at least exciting.haha.but i can tell you that overall, i'm happy.

oh.i have a summer job.i'll start after grad.problem?di ata ako papayagan ng dad ko eh..

bahala na.

2007

2007.only thing i can think about is that i'll be graduating this year.
anyway.haha. cheers to 2007. cheers to 2006. and all the memories.

memories?what memories?

a whole lot.
what exactly happened in 2006 that made it soo.. something. ^_^

2006 was sort of like a year of beginnings, and yet it symbolizes our last year in high school.
MS was formed. loads of problems,that i thought i could just drown in alcohol.ayun.napadals ang pag-iinum.not good.

i became more rebellious towards my grandparents.
talking back more often, going out often.. and during the summer of 2006, i tried to run away. my relationship with them didn't improve a bit. i'm always out of the house, always staying out late and doing things they'd never approve of. we've had arguments, lots of them.

2006 was also a year of too much crying in this household, yet also too much partying.
yeaah.. a lot of reasons to cry, more reasons to smile.

i was grounded for the first time in my high school life.
and to think it's about to end. this year, mas naging pakawala ako. i had more flaws.

i made a lot of mistakes. i also did some things that i'm not sorry for in the least bit. yet some events that i wish never happened took place. this blog is proof of what 2006 has done to me.

what a year!impossible to describe!

and now 2007..

the silver pixie

the silver pixie is baaaack!

surprised? so am i. i missed the old layout--the layout that somehow explained the blog url.
why silverpixietears? well, silver because i like that color. it's unique, yet simple; attention grabbing at hindi nakakasawa. pixie because i am fascinated with fairies, nymphs, and especially pixies. for me, they carry some sort of magic with them. also, in the play Peter Pan, a pixie was present in the world where children never grow up.

i dunno. now, i associate pixies to not growing up.

and finally, why tears? because crying is something i do in private. ask the people in school--they never see me cry. they don't know what goes on in my head. they see me as a happy go lucky girl, someone who always smiles.

yet, like everyone, i also know how to cry.

and so.. the silver pixie cries too.she carries joy, but deep down inside, she cries too.just like everybody else.. and she wishes she'd never have to grow up.