of college and dorms
i know i haven't been blogging much.. but a lot of things have been happening.as in a lot.in this house.and i can't write about those stuff and i can't tell anyone.not even those who are super close to me.i don't know..i just can't..there's something holding me back.and ihsa noticed yesterday..she asked me:
ihsa: okei ka lang?
reg: hinde..ewan.
ihsa: bakit?
reg: ewan.
it may sound lame..but 'ewan' naman talaga eh.kahit ako..sobrang naguguluhan na ko sa mga nangyayari dito.and even though it hurts that some people think i don't know when to be serious (when in fact, i do), i have to smile.i always have to smile..and i want to keep on smiling. i want to convince them--and myself, that everything's gonna be okay. coz it will be. i know it will..but just not now..
and then my friends and i started talking about college..about our first choice of campus, course, etc.. and i was silent. i was thinking: i have to pass UPDiliman..i want to pass UPDiliman.i want to study there.i want to live with my family again.i need to get away from this house. if i pass UPLB, i'll be with friends, but i'll be living in this cursed house!if i decide to get a dorm here, it won't seem right.
people will think: she has grandparents here, and yet she's in a dorm?
my dad will, once again, be the villain. but the real villains are my grandparents. and yet one time, a thought crossed my mind: i could be the villain. maybe i am the villain.
it may sound soooo petty that i dislike talking about college just because of the whole 'where-will-i-stay-and-what-will-happen' thing.. it may sound unimportant to some..
but it's very important to me.it's very complicated.especially if you're involved in the mess.and for all you know, that mess could've been created by you. fuckerness.
i'm not asking them to understand.i can't blame people if they can't understand.besides, it's not like i understand everything. when they listen to me, that's all it takes for me to be happy.
but how can they listen if i don't open up?
why don't i open up that much anymore? i think..i think i got tired of explaining the same things all over again.
okay.you probably don't understand my post.i'm not asking you to understand.reading it, that's all it takes for me to be happy.
sue me.
ihsa: okei ka lang?
reg: hinde..ewan.
ihsa: bakit?
reg: ewan.
it may sound lame..but 'ewan' naman talaga eh.kahit ako..sobrang naguguluhan na ko sa mga nangyayari dito.and even though it hurts that some people think i don't know when to be serious (when in fact, i do), i have to smile.i always have to smile..and i want to keep on smiling. i want to convince them--and myself, that everything's gonna be okay. coz it will be. i know it will..but just not now..
and then my friends and i started talking about college..about our first choice of campus, course, etc.. and i was silent. i was thinking: i have to pass UPDiliman..i want to pass UPDiliman.i want to study there.i want to live with my family again.i need to get away from this house. if i pass UPLB, i'll be with friends, but i'll be living in this cursed house!if i decide to get a dorm here, it won't seem right.
people will think: she has grandparents here, and yet she's in a dorm?
my dad will, once again, be the villain. but the real villains are my grandparents. and yet one time, a thought crossed my mind: i could be the villain. maybe i am the villain.
it may sound soooo petty that i dislike talking about college just because of the whole 'where-will-i-stay-and-what-will-happen' thing.. it may sound unimportant to some..
but it's very important to me.it's very complicated.especially if you're involved in the mess.and for all you know, that mess could've been created by you. fuckerness.
i'm not asking them to understand.i can't blame people if they can't understand.besides, it's not like i understand everything. when they listen to me, that's all it takes for me to be happy.
but how can they listen if i don't open up?
why don't i open up that much anymore? i think..i think i got tired of explaining the same things all over again.
okay.you probably don't understand my post.i'm not asking you to understand.reading it, that's all it takes for me to be happy.
sue me.
posted by the indecisive one. @ 4:09 AM
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