of college and dorms

i know i haven't been blogging much.. but a lot of things have been happening.as in a lot.in this house.and i can't write about those stuff and i can't tell anyone.not even those who are super close to me.i don't know..i just can't..there's something holding me back.and ihsa noticed yesterday..she asked me:

ihsa: okei ka lang?
reg: hinde..ewan.
ihsa: bakit?
reg: ewan.

it may sound lame..but 'ewan' naman talaga eh.kahit ako..sobrang naguguluhan na ko sa mga nangyayari dito.and even though it hurts that some people think i don't know when to be serious (when in fact, i do), i have to smile.i always have to smile..and i want to keep on smiling. i want to convince them--and myself, that everything's gonna be okay. coz it will be. i know it will..but just not now..

and then my friends and i started talking about college..about our first choice of campus, course, etc.. and i was silent. i was thinking: i have to pass UPDiliman..i want to pass UPDiliman.i want to study there.i want to live with my family again.i need to get away from this house. if i pass UPLB, i'll be with friends, but i'll be living in this cursed house!if i decide to get a dorm here, it won't seem right.

people will think: she has grandparents here, and yet she's in a dorm?

my dad will, once again, be the villain. but the real villains are my grandparents. and yet one time, a thought crossed my mind: i could be the villain. maybe i am the villain.

it may sound soooo petty that i dislike talking about college just because of the whole 'where-will-i-stay-and-what-will-happen' thing.. it may sound unimportant to some..

but it's very important to me.it's very complicated.especially if you're involved in the mess.and for all you know, that mess could've been created by you. fuckerness.

i'm not asking them to understand.i can't blame people if they can't understand.besides, it's not like i understand everything. when they listen to me, that's all it takes for me to be happy.

but how can they listen if i don't open up?

why don't i open up that much anymore? i think..i think i got tired of explaining the same things all over again.

okay.you probably don't understand my post.i'm not asking you to understand.reading it, that's all it takes for me to be happy.

sue me.

UPCAT

sorry naman.wala akong maisip na title eh.anyway, i'll be taking the UPCAT this sunday 6.30 am.imaaaaagine that.super early and i'm a girl who's always late in school.but never mind, never mind.i'm not studying.ahaha.di naman sa kampante ako dahil ruralite ako.. but.. i don't study naman talaga.besides, the teachers said "relaaaax.."

i'm scared.why?
1.this is the only college entrance exam i'm going to take. if i fail this, saan ang bagsak ko?
2.this is my future. it will somehow detect where i will be ten years from now.

so.tomorrow.sunday morning.at least i'll be with some of my batchmates.actually, our whole batch will be taking the UPCAT in AnSci but different times. oh, and here's the interesting part. we'll be taking the test with Brent students. waaaw.haha. a super "sosyal" international school mingling with a public school.cool.

sabagay.my neighbor in Antipolo..well. nilalait niya ko because i'm not girly daw, i study in a public school, while she's always in skirts, and studies in a private school.i wanted to shove something in her face and tell her:

"oo nga.public school nga ako.eh run by UP naman kami eh.so there!"

lol.sorry for a random post.please pray for me!i want to study ClothingTech so badly..

God bless batchmates! =D IT's OVER!hehe.120 percent?kaya yan!

pati na rin kay PATTY and VINKZ!God Bless senyo!