whatta night

i still think it's my fault. kasi ako ang nagyaya. how was i to know it was going to end in the way it did? i had no idea. still, i don't regret the things that happened last night-Friday.

MS. that's what we call our group. it stands for two different things that are connected to each other. we decided to go out last night. plan was to eat at LB Square.. and maybe drink a little. bonding.we like to do that, you know? just sit around and talk.

well, when we arrived at the Square, some of our guy friends decided to join us. so we drank, and ate sisig. yumm. and then.. two MS girls had to go home.. it was 8.30 by that time. then more guy friends arrived. i went to get some money. when i arrived back at the Square, only five guys were there. they bought me a 500ml bottle of Red Horse and i finished it. the hell.. anyway. i have a strong tolerance for alcohol. i stayed with them until about 9pm.. then Henry went to get me. the other MS people were at Area51 because one of the girls got drunk and was vomiting. i went with Henry to Area51 and helped the girl, Nyka, recover. She couldn't stand up but she was still concious. Aryan was also a bit drunk but she was feeling better. our batchmates who were there helped Nyka feel better. we bought her candy, water, and even coffee.

then the parents started calling. Lolo texted me. Aryan's mother was calling my cellphone and i was cancelling all the calls. boyong's father started calling. Nyka's mother started texting. so Ihsa used Area's phone to call Nkya's mother. ihsa told her mother that Nyka wasn't feeling good and will spend the night at my house. Aryan will also spend the night in my house because her parents musn't see her.. and smell her.

we began making up a story. in other words, nag-iisip ng pandahilan. this is what we came up with: someone's birthday..he treated us dinner, then Nyka had stomach cramps. Area51 was slowly emptying as we were doing this.

Jubes called his mother to come over. his mom is SO nice. she told us that what we did was wrong. but she wasn't going to tell on us. she also told me we all smelled like alcohol. then she drove me, aryan and nyka to my house. sam, jubes and kitt also came with us.

we reached the house 10pm. we told the birthday story.. and Jubes' mom just nodded. and lola didn't notice the smell of alcohol in the house. whew! buti na lang.

all of us MS girls have problems..some of us don't want to come home..and to think that "home" is supposed to be a place of comfort. but for some of us, that so called "home" could be a living hell.

i'm sure that next week, some things will change.all of us involved now has a special bond.. and a secret. a special secret known only by us.

after all, if everyone knew about it, it wouldn't be so special anymore.. right?

money and math and old ladies

for those of you who don't know, i withdraw my allowance from BPI weekly.there are two BPI stations in Los Banos. one near Robinson's and one near Olivarez. I spend 6 pesos for one jeepney ride. so that's 12 pesos pero withdrawal.

this monday, i went to the BPI near Olivarez first, because the one near Robinson's has been offline since last week. so going to Olivarez, that's 6 pesos. And the BPI was offline. So, i spent 6 pesos going to the one near Robinson's just to check if it was still offline. it still was. So again, i spent 6 pesos going back to Vega.
18 pesos = no allowance.

i tried if the card would work with Landbank. unfortunately, it didn't. Luckily, i still had enough money for a jeepney ride to UPCO.
one UPCO jeepney ride = 8 pesos.

so i was pissed off and frustrated. and you know how i am when i'm mad. (see previous posts for details) i scream stuff, i go wild, and people are amused. aryan and i headed to the shed to wait for the UPCO jeep. joan, a batchmate was there. i explained my situation and broke to hysterics. i grabbed her umbrella and threw it on the floor. then i laughed. and i began saying stuff like..

"karma ba ito dahil magastos ako?"
"pano ako kakain ng lasagna??"
"kelan pa ko makakawithdraw?"
"kelan ko pa mababayaran mga utang ko?"

believe me it was a real dilemma. because, i absolutely cannot borrow money from my grandparents. because then they would think that my father isn't giving me enough to survive..i literally cannot survive without money. and besides, i was planning on watching Romeo Rocks Juliet this Friday for 80 pesos.

and then this old lady who was sitting beside me read one of my pins aloud. it read "I Said NO to Drugs But They Didn't Listen." then she said..

"You know, older people would like to get richer for the sake of the young people."

it made me think. i know my parents would love to get rich just to give me and my siblings a better life. i know they try.. i can see their effort. i know they want to make it all work out for us. you know, save up so we can move into a bigger house.

some people think i'm so rich just because they see me go inside a large house. which is, my grandparents' house. so let me get this straight.

MY GRANDPARENTS ARE SO DAMN FUCKING RICH.

and.

WE ARE NOT.

they told us last year, they'd pay for my sister's braces because my dad can't afford such things. but this year, my sister transferred schools. she's now in Manila, with the rest of the family. and because of that, my grandparents changed their minds: they're not going to pay for her braces anymore.

the fuck!i mean, if they really wanted to help, they'd pay for her braces. it wouldn't matter where she lived.

just goes to to show:

"Sometimes younger people would like to get rich so they don't have to ask money from the older people and feel worthless."

i didn't get that. ^__^

A person can say..

"i'm fine.." when he/she means "i'm not okay."

"it's okay.you can stay" when he/she means "please leave me alone."

"hello.." when he/she means "please notice me.."

"go away.." when he/she means "i want you to stay.."

"how are you?" when he/she means "do you care about me?"

"i know.." when he/she means "i'm not listening to you."

"i'm leaving now..goodbye.." when he/she means "why don't you come with me?"

"he/she likes you too.." when he/she means "i like you.."

"i didn't hear you.." when he/she means "i like talking to you.."

"i can do it alone.." when he/she means "why won't you offer to help me?"

i read that only 10% of our emotions could be felt through words. so why don't people express their true feelings? most of us are embarrassed by what we feel, ashamed of admitting the truth, scared of others' reactions.. it's not wrong.. it's NATURAL.

of college and dorms

i know i haven't been blogging much.. but a lot of things have been happening.as in a lot.in this house.and i can't write about those stuff and i can't tell anyone.not even those who are super close to me.i don't know..i just can't..there's something holding me back.and ihsa noticed yesterday..she asked me:

ihsa: okei ka lang?
reg: hinde..ewan.
ihsa: bakit?
reg: ewan.

it may sound lame..but 'ewan' naman talaga eh.kahit ako..sobrang naguguluhan na ko sa mga nangyayari dito.and even though it hurts that some people think i don't know when to be serious (when in fact, i do), i have to smile.i always have to smile..and i want to keep on smiling. i want to convince them--and myself, that everything's gonna be okay. coz it will be. i know it will..but just not now..

and then my friends and i started talking about college..about our first choice of campus, course, etc.. and i was silent. i was thinking: i have to pass UPDiliman..i want to pass UPDiliman.i want to study there.i want to live with my family again.i need to get away from this house. if i pass UPLB, i'll be with friends, but i'll be living in this cursed house!if i decide to get a dorm here, it won't seem right.

people will think: she has grandparents here, and yet she's in a dorm?

my dad will, once again, be the villain. but the real villains are my grandparents. and yet one time, a thought crossed my mind: i could be the villain. maybe i am the villain.

it may sound soooo petty that i dislike talking about college just because of the whole 'where-will-i-stay-and-what-will-happen' thing.. it may sound unimportant to some..

but it's very important to me.it's very complicated.especially if you're involved in the mess.and for all you know, that mess could've been created by you. fuckerness.

i'm not asking them to understand.i can't blame people if they can't understand.besides, it's not like i understand everything. when they listen to me, that's all it takes for me to be happy.

but how can they listen if i don't open up?

why don't i open up that much anymore? i think..i think i got tired of explaining the same things all over again.

okay.you probably don't understand my post.i'm not asking you to understand.reading it, that's all it takes for me to be happy.

sue me.

UPCAT

sorry naman.wala akong maisip na title eh.anyway, i'll be taking the UPCAT this sunday 6.30 am.imaaaaagine that.super early and i'm a girl who's always late in school.but never mind, never mind.i'm not studying.ahaha.di naman sa kampante ako dahil ruralite ako.. but.. i don't study naman talaga.besides, the teachers said "relaaaax.."

i'm scared.why?
1.this is the only college entrance exam i'm going to take. if i fail this, saan ang bagsak ko?
2.this is my future. it will somehow detect where i will be ten years from now.

so.tomorrow.sunday morning.at least i'll be with some of my batchmates.actually, our whole batch will be taking the UPCAT in AnSci but different times. oh, and here's the interesting part. we'll be taking the test with Brent students. waaaw.haha. a super "sosyal" international school mingling with a public school.cool.

sabagay.my neighbor in Antipolo..well. nilalait niya ko because i'm not girly daw, i study in a public school, while she's always in skirts, and studies in a private school.i wanted to shove something in her face and tell her:

"oo nga.public school nga ako.eh run by UP naman kami eh.so there!"

lol.sorry for a random post.please pray for me!i want to study ClothingTech so badly..

God bless batchmates! =D IT's OVER!hehe.120 percent?kaya yan!

pati na rin kay PATTY and VINKZ!God Bless senyo!